Closer Day By Day

Although we have come to the last chapter of Proverbs today, this does not mean that our journey with the Proverbs will end today.  Despite reading through it together and sharing our little insights and learnings from this book of Wisdom, there is still so much more wisdom for us to discover and put these lessons into our hearts and practice.

Let us resolve to continue learning from the Word of God - for it it, there is truly life and wisdom.

Bible Passage:  Proverbs 31

Brothers!  What do you look for in a wife?

I just returned from a wedding dinner of my colleague.  And in the usual on-stage teasing and cajoling - the groom was asked why was he attracted to his bride.  And I can almost guarantee you will know the answer… because this is what almost every man would say… “Her beauty and her charm”.

Beauty and Charm.

Man are naturally attracted to beauty and charm.

What is beauty?  While there may seem to be certain standards of beauty in the world, we all know that beauty is pretty much in the eye of the beholder.  A man can easily be smitten by her face, her body, her hair or even a combination of all three.

What is beautiful is some - for others, they think it is just ordinary or not attractive at all.

What is charm?  That may be a bit more difficult to nail down but perhaps it is in the way a woman treats a man - being kind, affectionate, feminine, agreeable and even submissive.  It is just something that a woman does that ’seduces’ the man and makes the man feel head over heels in love.

Most men pick their wives based on beauty or charm.

Beauty and Charm

There is nothing wrong with choosing a wife who is beautiful and charming.  But before sisters start protesting and say that “It’s so typical of man!”, this is what King Lemuel learned from his mother and now encourages us…

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

We all know that beauty does not last and charm can be deceitful.  So I will not bore you with paragraphs talking about this.

But I will honestly admit that beauty and charm played a big part in why I chose my wife in the first place.

So superficial!  So typical of you brothers!  You talk about the importance of inner beauty but all this time you still focus on the external!

I can almost hear you saying this as you read these words… and actually all I can do is to hang my head…

But God has been gracious and kind.

Because whenever I read this next verse after all these years of marriage, I can truly understand how it feels like to find treasure!

A Virtuous Wife

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.

Proverbs 31:10

It is a difficult time for Christian women.

The norms of society tries to convince women that the biblical picture of a good woman is outdated and demeaning.  If a woman is without ambition for a secular career and does not spend time purusing it (sometimes at the expense of the family), they are worthless and sell themselves short.

But Proverbs 31 provides a blueprint of God’s definition of a valuable woman.  Let me just quickly summarise what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like.

Her Character as a Wife

Rare, precious, trustworthy, kind

(Pro 31:10-12)

Her Devotion as a Homemaker

Works joyfully, goes the extra mile to get the choicest goods, disciplined, prudent with money and enterprising, energetic, good steward and diligent, provident, elegant, influential, industrious

(Pro 31:13-19; 21-24)

Her Generosity as a Neighbour

Compassion, generous

(Pro 31:22)

Her Influence as a Teacher

Poised, wise

(Pro 31:25-26)

Her Effectiveness as a Mother

Managers her home, praiseworthy, distinguished

(Pro 31:27-29)

Her Excellence as a Person

God-fearing, honoured

(Prov 31:30-31)

Whew!  Quite a list isn’t it?

Demanding?  Impossible?  A fanatasy?

I would say that by the grace of God, the treasure that I have been given shows me that this is not.  And there are other sisters who I know also demonstrates what it means to be a virtous woman…

A Virtuous Woman Works For Her Family

We read that the virtuous wife is defined by the tremendous amount of work she does for her family.

“She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household”(Prov 31:15).

“She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet”(Prov 31:21).

This kind of work will not be trumpeted in the streets or make headline news, yet God says it is part of what a truly valuable woman will do.

Paul wanted the younger women to be taught “to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed”(Titus 2:5).

“Homemakers” here does not necessarily imply a career choice, but rather one who is willing to work at home.  Actually, what Paul and Proverbs are teaching is that God wants women to work for their families! There is no shame in such work, and it is never to be denigrated!

Certainly God does not forbid women from working - Lydia, for example, held a job (Acts 16:14) - but rather wants women to know that family work is of the utmost importance, and cannot be dismissed.

A valuable woman works with her husband rather than challenging his authority or doing him harm.

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life”(Prov 31:11-12).

We also read that the husband is well-respected in the community due to his wife’s support and work behind the scenes (Pro 31:23).

In God’s ideal family, husband and wife are a team working together to overcome problems, strengthen one another, and raise godly children.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22).

Husbands are to take the lead, and we desperately need more strong, faithful husbands to lead in homes.

But also needed are godly, submissive women who will support and work with their husbands to strengthen the home.

The modern world scoffs at this role for women, urging them to challenge their husbands for supremacy within the home. But that’s not the way of the Bible.  We are reminded that “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand” (Mark 3:25).

So when women refuse to work with their husbands, is it any wonder so many homes are broken today? A valuable woman works with and supports her husband-despite his failings-and knows that the peace that comes from submission is far more valuable than always getting her way.

A valuable woman works for the Lord.

The godly woman’s work is not just for her family, it is also for her God.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy”(Prov 31:20).

I started off mentioning this grand statement:

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised”(Prov 31:30).

Simply put, there are many things women can do for the Lord in a better way than men can.

Consider Dorcas, who God says was “full of good works and charitable deeds which she did”(Acts 9:36), including “tunics and garments”(v. 39) she had made for many of the widows in Joppa.

Though a few men might have the ability to do such work, this kind woman was able to do something that has echoed through eternity because she worked for the Lord.

Paul urges Christian women not to adorn themselves in ostentatious clothing, but “which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works”(1 Tim 2:10). These works may be quietly done and overlooked by our world, but God sees them and promises to reward (Matt 6:4).

When life is done and we look back over our lives, our focus will not be on how many corporate ladders we climbed or the size of the paychecks we earned, but on whether we worked for the Lord. Valuable women realize the importance of God’s work.

A valuable woman Fears the Lord

The fear of the Lord is a fervent and reverent desire to please God and hate anything that displeases Him (Pro 8:13; Eccl 12:13). It is much more than just attending church.  The perfect woman believes the Bible absolutely and fully, and she wants to obey it in every area of her life (Ps 119:128).

There is no comparison to marrying a woman who fears the Lord!

When the flames of romantic attraction die down, what motives a woman to excel as a wife, lover, and mother?

When marital difficulties arise and her husband is foolish, what drives her to continue to be this wife that loves and supports her family?

I would say that the fear of the Lord.  In her desire to please her God, she will continue to do what God expects of her - not just for herself… but for her family as well.

And that is why she is to be praised.

In Praise Of Your Wife

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:

Proverbs 31:28

I know I have rambled on quite a fair bit today (again!).

But before I conclude, I want to say this - Today’s passage focuses on sisters to be this ‘perfect’ wife.  But it does not mean that brothers can just make these demands and standards on sisters and do nothing.  The Bible has also many teachings that focuses on what will make us ‘perfect’ husbands for our wives.  But we will leave this for another time… but it is clear that we brothers have a long way to go.

There is one last thing I learned from Proverbs 31 as a husband - there is a need to praise my wife!

Brothers!  There is a need to praise our wives!  Especially when they have worked hard for the family, supported us husbands, work for God and fear Him in her life.

This praise can be said just between you and your wife.

But praises of your wife can also be made openly to others at times.

It is hard for me to read Proverbs 31 and not think of my wife.

I had said what attracted me to her initially was her beauty and charm.  But I thank God that I found something more valuable than rubies… I found my Proverbs 31 woman to love and live my life with.